Battle Royale Part Two
by Onna-Kun
Summary: What would have happened at the end of FF9 if zidane said"no squall or cloud shall hinder me"


Setting: the cast of FF7, FF8 and FF9 are all sitting in the audience while Zidane is rambling off love poetry to Garnet onstage when...........  
  
  
Zidane: No Squall or Cloud shall hinder me  
*screen splits to show the eyes of Squall and Cloud*  
*They both run onstage at opposite ends*  
  
Both: What did you say!?  
Zidane: Uhh huh I said *gulp* No Squall or Cloud shall hinder me  
Squall: I'm Squall  
Cloud: And I'm Cloud  
Both: Now, What-did-you-say?  
Zidane: N-N-N-Nothing  
*light bulb*  
Wait a minute! I can go Super Saiyan  
  
Zidane: I said no Squall or Cloud shall hinder me! And I can go Super Saiyan!  
Garnet: Not this again, I'm going to go sit down  
*Exits to audience*  
Squall: I want first shot; I hate monkies  
Cloud: Go ahead! I like to see 2 weak people go at it. All better for my amusement.  
*walks to throne that was onstage and takes a seat*  
  
Squall: Then I guess it's just me and the monkey  
Zidane: Fine with me cuz I'm gonna go Super Saiyan and kick your ass. Hahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  
Hey anybody got any hair gel!  
Squall: Oh Brother!  
Squall: *gets a big sweatdrop and falls over*  
Link:*sitting next to Sephiroth in a wheelchair trying to recover from his first experience with Sephiroth*  
I have hair gel!  
*throws at Zidane*  
Sephiroth:*looks at Link*  
You Idiot!  
*slaps him upside the head and Link flies into the air turning into a star*  
  
Zidane:*puts hair gel in his hair spiking it up*  
Squall: All you did was spike up your hair and you think you're a Super Saiya-Jin. How Pathetic!!  
Zidane: Just watch!  
*jumps in the air at Squall and starts punching frantically at Squall with his eyes closed*  
Squall:*dodges punches using DBZ-like techniques  
Zidane: You're tough, but not too tough for this!!!!  
Ka-ma-ha-me-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
*throws a yellow beachball with "Kamehameha" written on it at Squall  
Squall:*slaps beachball away*  
*grabs gunblade*  
TAKE THIS!!!!  
Squall:*slashes at Zidane cutting his hair off*  
Zidane: My hair!! My beautiful hair!! Now you're gonna pay!  
*throws lots of yellow beachballs at Squall*  
Squall:*uses a FIRAGA spell to destroy the beachballs*  
Zidane:*huffs and puffs*  
*thinks*...maybe he's a Super Saiyan too! Oh no, he could be THE LEGENDARY SUPER SAIYA-JIN  
Squall: I'm tired of your stalling techniques! Why don't you come over here and take your ass-whoopin like a man?  
*grabs ugly stick and smacks his palm with it*  
Zidane: Hahhh!!  
*rushes at Squall with a punch*  
Squall:*hits him in the face with the ugly stick*  
Zidane: Ahhhh!  
*falls backwards, sliding on his ass*  
Squall: You're officially ugly  
Zidane:*rubs his bruises*  
I am a Saiya-Jin I cannot be defeated!!  
*runs at Squall*  
  
Cloud:*gets off the throne and trips Zidane*  
Squall: Hahahahahahaha  
Zidane: Grrrr!  
*pulls out sword*  
Squall: So, no Squall or Cloud shall hinder you huh? What a joke  
Cloud: You're no match for us even at 1/100 of our true strength  
Zidane:*rushes at Cloud with sword*  
Cloud:*extends one arm, grabs sword and breaks it into 2. Hey! This is plastic and it says Wal-Mart too!!  
Zidane: They were having a sale.....SO I BOUGHT 2. HAAA!!  
*slices at Cloud's arm and because of the sword's plastic it bounces off of Clouds arm sending Zidane to the ground*  
  
Sephiroth: Why don't you just give up Zidane!  
Cid: Why don't you just shut the hell up! I'm trying to watch this "Goddamn cock sucking goat fucking dirty hoe ass bitch licking sticky finger pussy ass son of a cum guzzling whore on pay-day Dorothy mother fucking ass wipe ball hair Tifa tits piss pants pussy fight. (©Alicia Baker, Jenny Burton, and Shinji-kun)  
So Shut up!!!  
Sephiroth: If you don't shutup I'll show everybody your true side  
*the crowd grows quiet and stares and Sephiroth and Cid*  
Cid: You wouldn't  
Sephiroth: try me  
Cid:*cowers into his chair and shuts up*  
  
  
Cloud: So, do you give up?  
Zidane: Neva!!!  
*charges at Squall and throws sword at Cloud*  
*chokes Squall with his tail*  
Squall:*(struggling) grabs his gunblade and cuts off his tail  
Zidane: Zidane Jr.!!!!!!  
Cloud:*runs at Zidane and punches him in the gut*  
  
Cid: That was cool!  
Sephiroth:*glares at cid*  
Cid:*starts trembling*  
Sephiroth: That's enough!  
*rips off Cid's clothes*  
Cid: Noooo!  
*voice changes to a high pitch*  
  
*The crowd gasps as Cid's true side is revealed*  
Sephiroth: Stupid Woman!!!  
*Cid runs away screaming like a girl*  
  
Zidane: WOW, that's a nice rack you have, Cid!  
Bounce some more baby!  
Yeah ha ha!  
  
*Squall nods to Cloud and they both pick up a beachball on the stage*  
  
Squall: Ka-me-ha-me-HA!  
Cloud: Ka-me-ha-me-HA!  
  
*Zidane looks behind him to see two yellow beachballs coming toward him*  
  
Zidane:*falls off the stage and starts twitching*  
  
Squall: Is he dead?  
Cloud: That was pathetic, hahahahahaha  
Squall: Now that that's over, it's just you and me  
*gets in a fighting stance*  
Cloud: Is that supposed to scare me?  
Squall:*points to a golden ping-pong table backstage and then pulls it onstage*  
Cloud: Have you forgotten?  
*snaps his fingers and Tifa and Aeris come out with a golden jacket with all sorts of awards on it and they put it on Cloud*  
Cloud: I AM THE PING-PONG MASTER!!! 


End file.
